Ask and Receive

Late January, when I got back from Boston (and the White Mountains, a very special gift waited for me in North Carolina.

Kathy Van Kleeck who blogs as KVK had sent me a sweet thoughtful package.

I had responded to Kathy on my post about losing my brother, saying, "You should invent a necklace with a box of tissues in it."

I received this beautiful box.

"Greetings M," Kathy wrote. "I took your response to heart and thought the enclosed would brighten your day a bit."  (It made me cry. )  She invented a beautiful silver vessel with healing jewels and as she said, "silk rather than tissue. A vessel to hold your sorrows, open at the top so they can float away when ready."

As much as i loved receiving this gift, it settled over me that this was a gift connected to my brother. 

Here hanging near my desk in silver, a beautiful talisman that helps hold my sorrow, a fact which still in moments isn't real.  My sweet brother no longer resides on this earth.  I can no longer hear his voice, visit him, see his gaze which adored me since childhood when we began a common exploration of life in two little bodies on this great beautiful world.

(i take a deep breath to visit these words)

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I had admired Kathy's jewelry and talismans.
I honestly believe that not just anyone can make a talisman. Yet having one of hers here by me,I know the hand of the Heart is on these; the Heart's eye in action.

Only someone with a clear spirit and spiritual Gift can make a talisman of any power. I can tell you, this vessel feels like an inspired instrument of the sacred space I believe dwells "between" all things; dwells as a third (holy power) between thoughts and spirits /souls. Always, Spirit indwells and awakens when one listening heart avails itself to another's heart cry whispering its simple voice. 
This is true inspiration; a breath gift shaped into & as object.  Inspiration happens into art, as Spirit moves and acts by Grace through us, for joy and creativity. Why else are we alive!
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We ask and we receive.  Soul to soul, simple as it should be.

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On the first day of spring I decided it was time.

I went out to the river with my vessel.  

I hung the vessel on a branch near the water and tried to focus my emotions where they did not will to take me.  

I breathed. I wanted to let go symbolically of the sadness, but not to let go of my brother. I had to remind myself, he was in so much pain. 

(my note from Kathy said the silk tissue was to release sorrow... )

I might have to do this again and again... but

here goes...

I let it open gently in wind...

... opening like a spring leaf on the river tree.

Found on the Spring warming earth for the vessel, delicate flower to make a brightness.

Thank you Kathy for this generosity and shared grace! I will treasure it always!

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Such a beautiful day.

After some lunch I did yardwork in shorts.  The rhythmic energy of raking helped a patch of subtle anger rise up inside,and then such a sadness blossomed. I leaned on the rake watched the river and let it flow down my face. What else could i do?

I really suddenly needed a tissue tissue. ")

(This is how i know my KVK talisman works; it brings on a cartharsis; because it asked me to act out a sacred ritual between myself and my feelings. Doing this, and even posting this seemingly simple action, o how it hurts *but helps! An incredible gift to give.)

Later the wind kicked up. We sat by the choppy water (me wrapped in a cotton blanket) and tried to record sounds of the river (recording is a new desire, random sounds and some oral history). Someone made me a strong Vodka drink in a jelly jar with two overly bright broken cherries where olives should be. The talisman and its flowers were inside--the house, my heart, my attention.

We watched the sun set on the first day of Spring 2010. 

I was shivering. Some fallen pinecones and twigs helped light a transitional fire, a symbolic end of Winter and opening to Spring. 

It felt so good, feet to the flames, me thinking fire (and time) (the care and generosity of others; love) all cleanses.
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Three songs:
* don't let the sun catch you crying

Hey momma where do we get air... * Dat Dere

more Ricki Lee Jones at Last Fm

** love: (keeps playing randomly)

Last photo: reflections in sunporch doors leading out where the darkened river, the trees, the clouds dolphins crabs snakes jumping mullet deer ducks eagles crickets cormorants red headed woodpeckers gulls blue birds blackbirds ... pelicans herons the rocks and ferries and sailboats rest; out where the wind (right now in pitch black space) makes musical sounds with the house; out where all of you live, and love and dream and play.
I wish you Joy as wealth, as health.

Thank you.

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Peace to all who enter here. This is my 101 post, so yes 101concentrated wishes for Peace dwell here. Do you think we can handle it that strong? Peace at 100 proof. Here's to us!

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Don't just sit there, drink it!

Cheers.

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~ practicing my letters

gift

small pile of heart

practicing my letters

breathe what is written

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Sometimes the sheer gift of what it is to be alive overwhelms me. It seems strange to say it, but its all too true; like light streaming into a small cloth soaked body, the stitched threads I am (of what holds me as me) seem to take in too much and I stretch out (wanting) to almost break open.

To sing, or to sway like grasses in the fields near the sand dunes and sea where I played in the sun as a child. Anything can trigger it; its almost a presence like love-soaked-time (it sits with you) and wraps you in the robe of Its body, sweet and warm.

True excess of bounty..., and a gift of attention, from practicing meditation probably. Maybe, it just is: Life. The sun soaked thing we crave from nice sunny days--but it burst up from within? Love. Love is always its first name, but it has no boundry. (i shrug my shoulders to say this... i can't say it).
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Happy Birthday to you.

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Larger post at Tumbleword's other site, as always.

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Peace, humor, and grace to all who enter here.

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